From My Mind To Yours









I have depression....


There. I said it. It took me a long time to finally admit to myself that I was depressed. I don't really know exactly what brought it on, I've never been able to figure that out. It took me even longer to tell people that were close to me that I had depression.


My family doesn't even know yet. I haven't had the courage to tell them. I finally broke down to Catherine one night, she has been one of my biggest supporters in this. I told MK shortly afterward too. She continually is always there when I need her.


Depression isn't the easiest thing to deal with, I think anyone with it can relate. There will be a day where you'll be feeling fine, then a black cloud will settle over you and suddenly you can't go on. You become an expert on the fake smile, practicing your "i'm fine" in the mirror. Acting like everything is great, but really you're dying on the inside. Depression is hell, depression isn't a phase, its a disease. Depression is screaming where nobody can hear you. Depression is falling apart without anybody noticing.







I can tell you this, its important to tell someone. I don't know if i'd even be here if I didn't have MK and Catherine to be there for me.


Anxiety has also become a part of my life. I have been medically diagnosed with anxiety. I went to the ER a couple weeks ago with heart palpitations and trouble breathing. Anxiety had taken its toll on my body. I am now on anxiety meds and I am doing ok with it.


Anxiety is staying up all night questioning if anyone actually cares. Anxiety is not feeling good enough. Anxiety is overthinking, asking over and over again if its even worth going on. Anxiety is being overwhelmed and breaking down at the smallest things. Anxiety is being exhausted from trying to be stronger than you actually are.



This is me being honest. I'm in a better mental state than I was a year ago. A year ago, I wouldn't have even dared to even try to write this in a post. I want the world to finally see that mental health needs to become a priority in our society. Too many suffer, too many take their own lives to stop it. This is my call, spread the word. Let the world know, let our voices rise in harmony.


My mental health does not define me.



Lilah

12 Comments

  1. Your brave to talk about it. I've struggled with both of these issues too.
    Just know your not alone. Will be praying for you!
    <3

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    1. Thank you Skye! I'll be praying for you as well :)

      Lia

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  2. *huggles you very tightly*

    I cannot agree more with the tip of telling someone. Depression and anxiety can be so easy to hide, yet it's like the rust that eats car frames....very destructive.

    You have grown SO MUCH since that night, and I am so proud of you!!!!!! You're stronger than anything that depression and anxiety throws at you with God's Grace. Remember that I'm always here for you, my dearest sis!!

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  3. I suffer from both depression and anxiety. While the Lord has cured me, sometimes I default back to my old ways. This past week (last week into pretty much yesterday) I was having a bad week. I was angry, wanted to cry for no reason, and honestly, I was not in a good mental state. Sometimes, holidays aren't happy go lucky times for me.

    When I was seventeen, my anxiety woke me up nearly every night because I would stop breathing and sit up really fast at 3:00 A.M and not be able to relax again or it would happen multiple times in a night. I never, ever considered ending everything, but I did often wonder why I was here and what was I really worth.

    Sometimes, it's easy to hide. Other times, it's easy to explode.

    I know I've improved drastically. And I thank God for these times because they've made me lean into Him more. Yes, they were painful. As you put it, it was literal Hell. But God used those feelings to help me.

    I will be praying for you and just know I'm here to talk to. I know we don't know each other that well, but I'm always happy to listen and help in any way I can. Know that you are loved and there is hope. There is a light to the end of the tunnel. <3

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    1. Thank you Ivie. I appreciate your friendship and know that I am here for you as well. <3 <3 <3

      Lia

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  4. *hugs* You are so brave, Lilah!! You are loved and you will get through this. <3

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  5. Thank you so much for sharing this, you are so brave. Keep fighting, I'll be praying for you, friend! <3

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    1. Thank you Gray! I'll pray for you as well :) <3

      Lia

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